What is my mission? At times i become confused. I have just spent an hour capturing images from my third Australian journal in order to begin the process of recording my words. I find names and email addresses.
This is a very strange process to be re-living my journey. It was too big a journey, too momentous even to begin to think hard about at times. It is fair to say i went feral. I think my caernarvon experience put me in touch with many of the rougher elements of Australia and somehow I stayed there. I find a notice of a fine and a summons to a court appearance in my current journal and know that a terribly difficult and damaging encounter will come my way. i feel tearful. I dont want to read dont want to record and yet i am drawn inexplicably to move through my journey and to re live what was.
I realise how important other people sometimes are to my life and how there are people who could have been more important to me had i made more effort. I have just spent an hour contacting those I have contacts for and following through with contacts i have made here so far. Happenchance meetings happen for a reason.
I must focus my attention and type but today will be short. I will swim at ten thirty and then help with hay making. I am at at last in a proper comfortable room with a bed that is not full of lumps. This morning i find myself feeling a tinge of dissatisfaction with being here, in this house, not here on nolsoy. There are no other travellers and unless last minute bookings come in there will just be myself and hannes here. I will be very quiet in my own room now that i have a desk and chair and can work privately.
I have been here nearly a week and am using nolsoy purely as a comfortable base. I decided yesterday that there are two places or things I still need to do and i have booked tickets to go to Mykines for the day next week, and want to head north to take the postboat. Julia told me about it and i told tom who tells me it has been a highlight of his time here. I must do it then, become a tourist for two days once more.
Having lightened my load to come her, i now of course realise that i will be ill clothed for my journey further south in Europe as have few cool things to wear. My swimming cossie may yet become a top. I am now torn, i want to write, to become immersed again in my experiences here yet feel that time presses on if i don't want to travel carrying my old journals and of that I am clear. I am resolved I will carry one with me but want the rest to be gone.
For now, I feel i am procrastinating, avoiding an incident that will affect me negatively for the rest of my life even though I do not think I will reach it today, tomorrow perhaps.
I love how in touch i was with my sexuality in Australia, the result no doubt of a year of geoffs loving after a decade without. It is now well more than a decade since i have been loved by a partner which makes it haunting and difficult for me to read at times. If you started to read my Australian material, fret not, I will get over him. As soon as i get back on the road after christmas he disappears mostly, there will be no further long rambles about him.
I am intrigued to know who, if anyone is still reading and who might be reading the Australian journey?
Let me know. I know much of my writing is banal but I believe some are inherently beautiful and thought provoking. I am interested to hear views. i find other peoples blogs generally so unengaging, ive not yet found one ive managed to want to follow so it will not surprise me if my ramblings have turned the same way for you. Our own experiences always seem so much more interesting to ourselves than they are to others. My Task, when done will be to,sift those that are of interest and those that are pure self indulgence.
it will be too much too chaotic I imagine to follow easily or comprehend. the filing of information will be insufficient to find ones way easily, for blog filing depends on date entry and my material is all recorded in the last few days yet so many, many entries. I want to try to keep it as close as I can to as I recorded it so I can come back and edit later more easily once i pull out my emails to insert other materials.
Too much time, i have taken two hours of my recording time, feel nervous anticipation yet must embark on my story again.
