Tuesday 16 August 2016

Norrona

Norrona 16.08.16

Sunday evening
And i wonder, that if i am struggling to cope with this wait of a few hours in Torshavn, for my delayed ferry, how will i cope with thirty six trapped hours. I tell myself ill be able to move, sleep, walk around, sit or lie down but i fear that without other people i might struggle, i see others happily engaging in chat right now, all around me. I think i need to make connections, make friends with others but have chosen a solitary seat and do not move.

Ohmygoodness how wrong i was, in every respect. The ferry is enormous. My bed, in a four bed cabin is nevertheless spacious and as long as i dont fall, from the side less top bunk, all will be well. I have a ladder and bedding and a towel. I dont have anywhere beside my bed though for my things. My pillow thus cradles my phone and charge pack along with bottle of water, ipad and glasses. The boat, i guess, is a typical cruise boat with multiple decks, shops, facilities. A swimming pool and 24 hour reception. Silly me, thinking it a ferry.

Worried that my 8th floor cabin might be way below decks, it is in fact on the top deck, way high, more sway but easy access to the air and the outdoors and the freedom of the ocean. Oh yeah, and the Sky Bar. I didnt expect to find a bar open until 1.30am and for it to be pretty much the first thing i found in my explorations. On my room level, just a few steps away. Sadly it contains many smokers, just as have done the Faroes.


I feel a body memory of the icebreaker i travelled on in 2003, across the Baltic sea from Helsinki to Tallinn. I wonder why I've not felt it before on my ferry journeys in the Faroes. i felt the crush of the ice as we ploughed through it, rough, crusted, half metre thick ice. Our path closed quickly in our wake and barely had we passed through, but the ice had frozen over again. We crunched and crawled, the ice cracked into huge slabs which rode up against each other in noisy discontent before crashing and smashing. We were an ice mincing machine.

I remember how i watched from the bow until i wasdistinctly chilled and then went to eat. at some point, i felt a change in the vibrations and noticed we were going backwards, i thought it an optical  illusion and nobody else believed me but I checked and checked my senses and i was sure we were reversing. I asked a member of staff. The ice was too thick, she said, we have to go back and find a different way forwards. magical moments.

Monday
I do find myself trapped but in a different way than i might have imagined. Now nine thirty am and my cabin mates are sleeping. I had hoped to jump into that pool on waking but it would mean unpacking my backpack in a tight space in the dark and i am too repressed to disturb others. I am sad not to have envisioned this scenario at two am when we went to bed. I have been trying to doze since 8am when i awoke but have been pleased to have my ipad by my side. At 9.45 i give up and get up anyway, unworried about disturbing others at this hour. 

The toilet and shower are more than comfortable, this cabin a far cry from the journey i made once, years ago to Denmark on a ferry from Hull. As part of a group we were sleeping in berths not a cabin. A terrible experience deep in the bowels of the boat, claustrophobic, airless, noisy, no door just a curtain which was brushed open by others as they walked past, seemingly all night.

Breakfast is good and plentiful with a wide choice and i enjoy scrambled egg though think the hotdog sausage not quite my taste for breakfast. The seeded crusty roll and danish pastry are good, along with a few strawberries and pieces of melon. We pass by rocky land, low green hills, similar but smaller than the Faroes and I try to fathom where we are, its the wrong side of the boat for Norway. Gannets fly strongly past the dining room windows, beak and wings wide stretched, a bird i am unfamiliar with but recognise from descriptions and distant sightings on my Vestmanna boat trip.

I trundle my way down to the pool, deep in the bowels of the boat. As i descend i feel increasingly trapped as the temperature rises with each flight of stairs i descend. Descending the car deck level, involves six flights of stairs, room for all those articulated vehicles perhaps and probably two layers. The pool itself is tiny, green and fetid looking, a corner pool, enough for a splash but three strokes and you would reach the other side. Push off practice perhaps but not worth exploring further. Pleased to find a  member of staff though i ask about my return to the top deck and with relief, hear there is a lift.

I am disappointed not to find internet and to be too far out from land to find a mobile signal such that i might create a hotspot. I can buy an hour for seven pounds if i choose to do so. I wont.
I wander the boat unable to find a charge plug other than sitting on the floor in an internal corridor, but having been unable to charge it last night, my ipad needs plugging in. i find a bar area, closed, hot and stuffy, uncleaned from last night but with a musicians corner and i am now plugged into one of their plugs. I have seat but no table so am propped on my knees, sadly with my back to the ocean but at least i have light. 

I had relied on this time and easy internet here to plan my onward journey. I have only a vague notion of where i am going, know that i must make three train connections despite the direct route not being far by car. We will be an hour late arriving as we were an hour late leaving and i wonder what this means for my trains. I scroll through my photos and find, once again, my iPad invaluable. I took a screenshot of my booking refernce, i pull it up and screenshot it again so it is easy to find. At least i know my destination.

Finding the closed bar too hot and stuffy and my presence having attracted a pair of knitters who disturb my peace, chatting away, i decide to abandon my plug and leave. I fret, not for the first time that my clothes will be too warm for travelling south. Shoes in particular, for i have no options, right now i want to wander the boat in bare feet and may see what happens if i do. Before i am able to abandon my comfy chair and plug a security guard comes to turn us out. The bar does not open until six, he says. We all laugh for none of us want the bar.

I return to the sky deck and think how much nicer it would be without all the cigarette smoke and wonder whether Denmark will adhere more to EU regulations but think that this is a Danish ship so dont hold out too much hope. I wonder if i am becoming looser in my travel, arrival and then work it out. This is an expensive journey and whilst i enjoy the notion of being on board ship, am unsure why im here. I think perhaps, i might, after all enjoy a bridge cruise, enjoy the excursions, time ashore, teaching time and playing time.

The sun shines brightly and i may have to abandon my seat in the Sky Deck for i swelter. A few hours in bed perhaps. Siesta time.

Snorers of this world you dont have to do this to other people you know. I envy other people their sleep sometimes. I slept little last night and find myself unable to sleep again as the snorer is already in the cabin snoring her head off. I make myself comfortable and lay down, just as i am dozing off a third member of our room comes in and falls straight to sleep. Disturbed by her, i do a few jigsaws on my ohone and then just as i am just dozing off again, my phone rings. The locksmith calls, the appointment i have set up for wednesday monring he seems to want to do now and instead of talking with my neighbour as arranged, he is ringing me. Naked and in a top bunk i cannot leap out into the corridor so try to have a brief conversation. Neither of the other two awake. I text afterwards clarifying my understanding and referring to the email i sent him. 

My signal is now so low that i cannot return his call despite having got up to do so. I confess i have not had a reply to my email, nor thought to chase it, secure in the knowledge that it was arranged. I wonder if a whole raft of emails have gone awry. I sent several exploratory enquiries about placements now and later in the autumn but none have replied. The platforms i used were different, emails, broads abroad, workaway, it would be unusual if they all failed yet i received no information about such failure. For now i can do nothing. I wonder whata i am doing for the umpteenth time. If all i am doing is wanting to be away from home then i need to do more serious thinking about my life, time for more challenge, new directions.

I feel frustrated that i cannot find a table and chair to sit at to write. It feels a perfectly reasonable expectation. I can sun lounge, hot tub, sauna, drink beer but cannot have a table at writing height unless i am eating a meal. Perched on my knees like this is so unrewarding.

I have found a perch, a table, near perfect except for the lip. Designed to prevent plates sliding off the table in rough weather, the lip is just the wrong height for my wrists but i am very pleased to have found the table. I use some books to prop my ipad into a better angle and am satisfied.

I have met a woman who has made me think. She travels home for a week having spent three months in iceland with her camper van. It is yet another case where i dont ask for what i want. i would have liked to sat with her and chat over food but did not feel welcome. And i say, not welcome,  because, very bravely i had said, i think i need to talk to you. I also retired a few years ago and i find myself travelling but dont really know what im travelling for, i need to find a purpose for my life, something more than just being a grandmother, some mission for me. She didnt really respond and didnt invite me to join her to eat, so we've just sat two tables apart and im kinda glad cos now i can write and i dont want to lose this evening but as soon as I've said that im unsure i have anything more to say.

She belongs to an internet group for over 55 women who drive camper vans, alone. Sometimes they travel alone, sometimes as a group, to a gathering. Sometimes they organise and show people around their home territory and in turn others do the same. Perhaps i might follow up that idea of a camper van trail that i nearly did in scotland. im unsure id have much in common with this group tho, dont really want to limit my interactions in that way but who knows... Ill check it out and also maybe search for an internet trail of interesting travelling ideas. Its all well and good but i dont really find myself saying i want to go to china or japan or new zealand, she says im following the sun, well i dont really like the sun. Campervan stars they are called.

I would like to learn spanish fluently.
I would like to be more fluent in french but dont really like france.
I would like to spend time in canada.
I would like to learn about geology.
Im kinda intersted to go to portugal and the north coast of spain.
Im interested in croatia, slovakia, countries around the baltic.
I would like to visit the antarctic.
Chile intrigues.
I would like to go to russia but having tried, three times, and failed three times, i think maybe i need to do it safely cruising with Bernard Magee, get a taste, see whether i want to return. Trying and failing three times sounds significant which ever way you look at it.
I would like to have material i really want to write.
I would like to become absorbed again, creating easily with textiles, to make themes out of rags.
And then i think i would like to weave my words in some way, see what happens.

My difficulty is my fear of getting trapped at home, falling in to old habits, finding it easy to be home yet also know that my body needs regular routines which are difficult to manage when travelling. Tough decisions. And while im thinking about the campervan woman and what i might be looking for in myself, i receive two fb messages from young men, probably twenty five at most, who have been travelling buddies for a moment, for a day, chatting, giving each other travel hints and ideas to follow through. Tom says i must buy myself a six pack and go sit on the top deck. He wants me to watch the shetlands as we pass but my boats timescale is very different from his, watching the sun set sounds good though, ill go look for the offie, didnt know there was one on board. Juan lives in peru, hmmm that might be an interesting visit and im trying to help him connect with people in the Faroes. Moving on time. Moving on people willing to share ideas. Let the woman go.

There was a hostel in the blue mountains in Australia that i loved, it had a colourful, quirky, soft feel, clean and peaceful and only attracted people who went out of their way to find it. I loved that place and the people i met there. I have thought so many times about running a hostel but to do so myself woukd be such hard work and to do someone elses wouldnt be the same, wouldnt have my mark.

Best i go look for the duty free, guess thats where ill find tinnies if theres any here.

A six pack, a sunset, a moonrise, many moon shadows.





I find myself singing Cat Stevens, Moonshadow, wish i could remember all the words, i didnt know what a moon shadow was as a teenager, how sad that is. I decide to give up on waiting for perseid showers, decide i want to write instead and i lose half an hour just wandering, my table spot now barred, i am delayed a few minutes by the 'musicians bar' and a song being sung that i know was sung just two nights ago. this time tho, the audience listen in silence, no joining in and no applause. 

And so, i now find myself sitting on a hallway floor, one such that i rejected earlier, plugged in. with four of us in the cabin and just two charging sockets, trying to share charging can be a challenge, especially when i have three things right now that need charging and both plugs are in use. My charge pack is now empty but needed for tomorrows journey, my phone, full right now but old and will need a charge in the morning and my iPad, currently at 55% but i will surely need to read in bed. 

I regret that in my reorganisation of my bags earlier, I forgot to get out the charge lead for my battery pack. It needs a long slow charge and its unlikely itll get anything right now but if i can give it a couple of hours in the morning ill be doing well. There is a plug outside our door and i may yet be tempted to try to charge there over night if i cant get a plug in the room but it is not just the charge pack that i risk losing but my adaptor and lead too, without which i would be lost. I am no longer in the Faroes, can no longer trust so easily.

So now thats now way more than half an hour of writing time and being in the moment that i have lost

I watched the sunset, the colouring of the skies and alongside it, the moonrise. I want to watch the perseid meteor shower but the direction is plainly wrong both boat wise and wind wise. I sit and reflect on the things in life that should be important, on how i might watch the sun set and the moon rise every night, maybe i could make that my mission and then think, all that is missing is a fire, a camp fire. yet how is that a lifetimes reality in todays world? 

And in the middle of all my thinking and my drinking, Tom messages back and asks me to stay in touch and i wonder why, a twenty something, grounded young man, is asking someone old enough to be his granny to stay in touch, just like a friend but we are just travelling mates. Beautiful moments.